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They Call Me a Prophet of Doom

Hakeem Babalola

I have been fasting and praying for the last 48 days and nights. The point of my prayer is about this woman I honey and care for. I am not in love with her, for I don't know what the term really means. And she knows this fact.

But I know I have a strong positive emotion of regard and affection for her. I also know what is called infatuation and obsession. It is not what I have for her. I am always ready to let this woman go, and she has gone several times. Although I always think of her whenever she's out of sight, never for once have I missed her.

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There was a time she asked me this question as if she was reading my mind: "Have you ever missed me?"

"No," I answered.

She asked the question again, this time her voice was like the harsh sound of a duck. It was as if she wanted me to say yes. But I said No - again.

Anger was written on her ever-smiling eyes. She said, "Why are you so difficult? Why are you so complicated? Why are you behaving like that professor who was given a gift of goat and rope...he rejected the goat but accepted the rope...are you not being insincere by virtue of pretending to have qualities or beliefs you do not really have....?

Though I was not smiling, she added, "Why is your face so adored with a circlet?" It was said rather than asking. "You are too blunt for a human being."

And she left. But just before she left, she had talked indistinctly like an old man who has no teeth left and mumble his food. She was saying something like "there are...were many… men telling me how much…. they're in love with me, and how much they…. really miss me..."

Till this moment - not even during fasting and praying - did I understand what she meant exactly on that scorching evening!

The next thing I heard was that she's now in danger. It was precisely 48 days ago when she called me. "I am in trouble," she began as her tentative voice echoed through the phone. "I am in trouble...I am in trouble..."

And she dropped the receiver.

I felt concerned but I was not overwhelmed by feeling of fear and anxiety. Instead I began praying and fasting. Although it was purposely because of her that I renounced my own interests in favour of hers, the following is what God revealed to me during the period of self-abnegation.

In 2009, thousands of Nigerian masses will die from hunger, road accident, typhoid fever and fume from generator. NYSC may be proscribed due to incessant killings of our educated youths in their various posting.

Three army officers will go mad and shoot at random just because some bloody civilians would mistakenly block their ways. Obasanjo may win Noble Peace Prize. Yar'Adua will be cured and so he will de kampe like baba Iyabo used to be. Both of them will reconcile and deal with erring journalists.

Another prominent professor will win an award, but he will reject the money prize while he keeps the plaque. House of Assembly and that of Senate will spend another millions of dollars on refreshments and art of cars.

Dora Akunyili, former NAFDAC chairman and now the Information Minister will cease to be the darling of the press. She may get Ngozi Iweala’s treatment. More journalists will find favour at Aso Rock. Alao- Akala of Oyo state will marry another wife and will spend not less than N25 million on the wedding.

Nuhu Ribadu will be called back to the police but will reject the offer. Nigerians will call for the return of Babangida and Obasanjo. One prominent Pastor will plan an abortive coup. Certain group will hijack a prominent Nigerian Website. Nigerian writers may begin a quiet revolution led by Change Nigeria Movement. Omoyele Sowore will replace Segun Adeniyi as Yar’ Adua’s spokesperson.

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Farida Waziri, the current EFCC chairman may swap with Mike Okiro. The police will stop collecting bribes. More armed robbers will join the police. About 48 armed robbers will also become assemblymen and senators. Many governors will be indicted but not prosecuted. More kid witches will be found in Akwa Ibom. Three prominent and forty-eight obscure pastors, imams and police officers will impregnate teenagers.

Three traditional rulers will campaign for Yar'Adua to rule for life. Attorney-General, Michael Aondoakaa, will add Niger-Delta portfolio to his position. Pray for the health of a popular musician and a famous radical and human rights lawyer and activist….

More importantly, the woman at the beginning of this story, and on whose behalf I had fasted and prayed for 48 days may finally realise between be in-love and loving someone; between genuine men and fake men; between true patriotism and katakata patriotism. She will be able to distinguish between civil servant and master servant; jaguda pastors, imams, governors, assembly men and women, senators and the real ones.

Oh, how I wished she had asked me this question: “Do you care about my well-being instead of have you ever missed me?” And I would have answered yes.

Whatever happens, every real man should join me in telling her the truth. Let us help her with this healing axiom: that those who profess to love her might be deceiving her. They might be her worst enemy. And the one she perceives as being complicated might eventually be her best friend.

Goodbye Year 2008