Marriage: Not Beyond Wedding?
From the Christian point of view about marriage, it is an institution
ordained by God. While from the African point of view, it is a must-do
thing ordained by family members. There is this axiom: “ Onye amuru ga
amuta ibe ya” syndrome that is attached to marriage and it has eaten-up
the marrows of Africans. That axiom translates: “Whom that is born must
bear others” even when a man can’t carry a family responsibility, he must
marry?
Because of this, when an African man is up to 30 years of age, he becomes
worried to settle down as a family man. While the girl-child becomes
prayerful when clocking 25, by visiting virtually all the churches,
prayer ministries and traditionalists, so as to have a divine encounter,
to have a man she could call her own –her husband. This struggle is
because, any person that is not married, there is a particular eye the
society watches the person with – a scornful eye.
Juxtaposing to the Christian point of view about marriage (an institution
ordained by God, which started from the Garden of Eden, between the first
man and woman on earth – Adam and Eve), it is still surprising why that
marriage crumbled, because the two persons involved didn’t live up to the
expectations of the ‘anointing’ upon the mammoth wealth they had in their
possession. This been that they were curious to doing things their own
way than the way of Him who ordained the marriage.
Today, mankind has not yet learnt anything from that marriage perceived
took place in the chronicled heaven-like Garden in a town called Eden.
Rather, they lookup to the society to set their pace. And the society has
given another meaning to the word ‘marry-age’. It is no longer only the
union between a man and a woman; it is now a union between a man and a
man, a woman and a woman. And God’s representatives on earth, in the
garden of God now called church, ordain the-same sex marriage. It’s
confusing!
However, because Adam did not go to marry Eve from any home, she was a
dividend of creation, should enlighten mankind so much that marry-age is
not a do-or-die- affair. It should not create an avenue of hullabaloo to
the extent that before two people – a man and a woman – could live
together as husband and wife, they must have flexed their muscles on
exploration of each’s acquisitions. The worst is that families open their
pockets for money from the man.
The exploration of acquisitions is the shoddy checks mankind tends to
carry-on in the modern-day marry-ages before two people – a male and a
female - would agree to live together as husband and wife. The families
check the number of university certificates each has, the potentialities
of each other’s job, the kind of building each is living in, amongst
others. “Does his or her family have a pedigree of criminals? Does his or
her family have a family sickness? What is the history of this man, this
woman that I want to marry or that want to marry me?” No one cares for
such questions, what is cared are the aforementioned!
Africans, being replete in this exercise and being enveloped by the
western culture or kind of living, the much loved Africa’s extended
family culture is now gradually on extinction. The lady, who is by all
means praying to have a husband of her own, hardly respects the family
members of her fiancé, because of the modernity or the modern day
monopoly in marry-age, as against the marry-age every member of the
family would participate. And this is endangering Africans cultural
values! The saying that “one person does not marry a woman,” hatred by
people has maimed it.
The modern day marry-age is like a makeshift shop that could be
positioned on a particular position today, and by tomorrow, it is in
another position. This happens in the today’s Africa’s marry-ages,
because family members who are supposed to examine the character of that
man, that woman, were sidelined before the marriage took place by their
son and daughter, because of civilization. Civilization of doom!
Family members are the best people in position to know the character of
ones fiancé or fiancée, because no one sees beyond ‘love’, when it has
covered the eyes. Today, in the Christendom, what is the number of
divorcees? Uncountable. Even as the Holy Bible ordinances that the only
criteria for divorce is when there is ‘found’ infidelity.
It is not only the case of infidelity or unfaithfulness that leads to
divorce today – bad behaviours, uncertainty, lack of respect and trust,
lack of love, impatience, et al are major factors that leads to divorce
and the satanic ‘gender equality’ syndrome that has characterized
Africans, because no person check and intensified character before
marriage.
Due to the advent of what is today called “Court wedding and White
wedding”, not “African Wedding”, young couples ostracize themselves from
their families’ instructions on who they should marry. But before today,
marry-age was an agreement between two compatible families to give their
son and their daughter in marriage; not the agreement solely taken by the
couples.
People now marry money, cars, certificate, beauty, handsomeness, while
love and peace could be developed. People want good wives and good
husbands, but hardly does any person wants to make him or her self, a
marriageable material.
Marry-age is responsible for divorce! No African believes again in the
consent parents give before marry-age, except they are wedded in the
church or the Mosque or in the court that would be when marry-age would
be perceived to be fully ordained. And the traditionalists that do not
issue a certificate, when Africans wed traditionally, are responsible for
debase or demean bestowed to African kind of wedding, because people want
something to show, as prove, that they are really married!
Africans should embrace family ties and values and norms. Marriage is
never a one-man thing. Let members of the families are involved and also
friends. Divorce is replete today among African marriages. Courting is
rituals, but marriage is an eye opener. So, is marriage not beyond
wedding?
By Odimegwu Onwumere
Odimegwu Onwumere, poet and author, is the Founder, Poet Against Child
Abuse (PACA), Rivers State. 08032552855, 08082608444. Email:
apoet25@yahoo.com